Cruising The Rhone
Ship’s captain Elvis Nicolas was busy Hoovering the bridge when we visited the nerve centre of his vessel M.S. Van Gogh, making stately progress on the River Rhone.
The handsome French commandant’s younger brother looked on, just 19 but already deputy captain. His seven year old son Elliot gave us a cheeky grin. His father, a former Rhone captain, was sipping tea in the lounge on day three of our four day cruise north from Avignon to Lyon, 230 km with a dozen locks to negotiate, passing charming medieval villages, show-off châteaux perched on promontories, rocky ravines and deep gorges.
The pewter grey river and grey landscape of a wet October morning slid by noiselessly apart from the thrum of the powerful engines as Elvis – ‘My parents wanted a unique name but were no fans of rock and roll,’ – steered a steady course at 13 knots.
The spotless bridge disappointingly boasted no burnished wood wheel, just a modest little knob to command 500 tonnes, 110 m. long steel hull with the lightest touch.
At 29 I’d expect Elvis to hanker after adventure on the high seas, battling storms and pirates. But no, he’s content to concentrate on currents, storms, navigating through ever-changing landscapes and seasons among swans, herons, cormorants and gulls _ and enjoying contact with a new cargo of customers every week. ‘The river and sea are two different worlds,’ he says.
Any perilous moments on board, I ask. ‘Non,’ he replies. ‘Oui,’ chips in Elliot. ‘Shut up!’ warns Papa.
Crew mutiny? Passengers on the optimistically named sun deck losing their heads like Marie Antoinette when failing to obey orders to duck under low bridges? Fracas over foie gras? Discord on the dance floor? Battle over breakfast boiled egg nicked by another passenger?
Whatever the issue – I’d be on bread and water rations if I reveal – no one was forced to walk the plank.
We were a mixed bunch of 120 passengers presenting no danger except in the buffet lunch queue: overwhelmingly impatient French with a smattering of South African, Australian and British (which made for interesting viewing of World Cup rugby) plus North American, Malaysian and German.
Many passengers with the family-run CroisiEurope – largest river cruise line company in Europe – are repeat customers exploring 39 rivers in 37 countries on hiking, biking, gastronomic and family cruises.
As ever, food figures high on passengers’ expectations and the chef of this recently refurbished CroisiEurope ship did not disappoint. Crispy veal, salad Nicoise, onion soup, saddle of lamb, confit of duck, salmon steak in lobster sauce, crepe suzette and baked Alaska were Master Chef standard. My only dislikes: tasteless stuffed chicken breast and chewy gnocchi.
Free flowing, delicious wines accompanied lunches and dinners on the all inclusive cruise where the only extras were some drinks like pricey whisky, Armagnac and Champagne. Sparkling wine and kir vin blanc all come with the rations, as do dancing and entertainment from the jolly crew.
Passengers pay for excursions: a three hour guided walking tour of Avignon and the Papal Palaces, a four hour coach trip to the Ardeche Gorges; another four hour marathon to Vercors with the lure of wine tasting; a walking tour of Vienne.
Non-stop rain rather dampened our spirits but guide Charlotte cheered us with a rendition of Sur Le Pont d’Avignon remembered from childhood and a fascinating tour of the looming Gothic Papal Palaces where Popes set up court to escape factional strife in Rome.
Another bridge, Pont d’Arc, is a limestone marvel formed by thousands of years of wind and water erosion. The rugged Gorges de l’Ardeche with its honeycomb of caves, stalagmites and stalactites is worth a lengthy visit so I felt short-changed with a 10 minute sodden selfie-stop before a two hour return drive.
Exploring Vienne was more fun, an impressive city of Roman Temples and amphitheatre, yummy chocolate shops and boulangeries. Watch out for motorbike street cleaners targeting what French dog owners fail to pick up.
No dogs on board M.S. Van Gogh while fastidious Captain Elvis commands this shipshape craft.
- CroisiEurope offers a number of Rhone itineraries with 2020 prices starting from £396 per person for a three-day ‘Escape to Provence’ cruise departing 18 April. For further information and reservations call CroisiEurope on 020 8328 1281 or visit www.croisieurope.co.uk, www.france.fr or search hashtag #ExploreFrance.
