Theatre: Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum)
These are the exact words James Barr’s ex wrote on a Christmas card to James’ mum. They might look a little confusing and out of context…. but everything makes sense when you catch James’ hit stand-up show with the same title.
James was in Brighton to deliver his one-man performance, and what a performance it was!
James said: “Brighton has always felt like home to me. Growing up gay in Eastbourne, I used to sneak into Brighton’s gay bars underage and went to my first Pride there—it was the first place I ever felt like I truly belonged. Performing this show here is special because Brighton gave me safety and community when I needed it most. I also workshopped “Sorry I Hurt Your Son” at Brighton Fringe in 2023 and 2024, so bringing the full show back feels like a full-circle moment.”
It can’t be easy to write about your own personal experience of being the victim of domestic abuse and then share it with the world… reliving it every time, at every performance. Or perhaps this has been cathartic for James… a way of moving on and healing.
“I was terrified to tell this story, but that’s exactly why I had to. When we can laugh at our worst experiences, they lose their grip on us. It’s an hour of comedy about abuse, but it’s also about comedy itself. Abuse isn’t always just violent—it’s the slow erosion of safety. It’s the constant uncertainty of what might happen next. And weirdly, that’s something comedy plays with too.
It’s connected with audiences in a way that’s much bigger than I expected. It shifts between safety and unsafety-just like an abusive relationship does. It’s funny, then it’s not. It’s light, then it isn’t. That’s the ride. It’s messy, chaotic, funny and at times devastating, but in the end? We celebrate the fact that we got out”, said James.
“Sorry I Hurt Your Son (Said My Ex To My Mum)” is a story about love and hope, but also a story about domestic abuse, bravery and strength and survival, and it’s told with great courage and plenty of humour.
James retold the story of his relationship with his ex, let’s call him ‘Alex’, a person he believed to be ‘the one’. Throughout their relationship they had their ups and downs – nothing unusual there… but things took a nasty turn when Alex started to show his violent side (attempts of strangling, pushing James down the stairs…) – again, James used humour to diffuse and mask the seriousness of the situation. And who can blame him.
It is hard to know whether to laugh or cry or sit still in the pin-dropping silence, whilst the raw and honest revelations sink in. My heart dropped when James said “1 in 4 LGBTQ people are victims of domestic violence. That’s fine – the other 3 are at brunch.”
It is a balancing act that James does so well. Vulnerability can be sometimes perceived as weakness, when in-fact, it can be our biggest strength.
- Catch James on his UK tour now and from 30th July until 24 August at the Edinburgh Fringe. https://www.jamesbarrcomedy.com/
