Surviving Bowel Cancer
Rachel Haynes is the owner of her own marketing company Everywherebrand.com, and a mother of two. In 2011 Rachel, now 54, was diagnosed with Stage 4 Bowel Cancer, which only has an 8% survival rate.
Rachel found, surprisingly, that one of the ‘gifts’ of discovering she had bowel cancer was her ability to write with disarming honesty and humour about her survival. Here, Rachel talks to Belle About Town about her journey, and what she has learnt…
The last thing I remember my friend Kate saying as we walked in opposite directions after what was to be our last blazing sunny lunch together before she died, was that I had to live to tell the full tale. And as I struggled with the unfairness of our contrasting situations, she put her arm around me and said I was to go and live fully for her as she would have wanted me to, with no shred of guilt.
We were both diagnosed with bowel cancer within a few months of each other, lived in the same town, shared the same surgeon and the entire contents of our heads.
The first time I was diagnosed with bowel cancer was in 2011, also a hot July day. I was ill prepared, lacking any knowledge of the symptoms and as a result dangerously naïve to the cancer that was spreading throughout my body. By the time I finally took my symptoms seriously enough to return to my doctors for the third time, my bowel was on its knees.
My symptoms had by then become so severe that I was doubled up every morning, desperately tired, had passed blood on a number of occasions and ridiculously thought getting up to poo 5-10 times at night, was a normal IBS response. When I saw the GP she asked me directly what was going on with my bowels. Questions I had avoided asking myself and facts I would have shared less willingly than the PIN number of my bank account. I answered them honestly for the first time and was referred urgently.
The very next week I had a colonoscopy and was immediately diagnosed with advanced stage 4 bowel cancer. I was 45, a single mother with 2 young children hearing that I had unwittingly been host to a cancer that is almost 100% curable in its early stages, and yet drops to a inconceivably low 7% at stage 4.
The first part of my book ‘What Doesn’t Kill You…’ deals with what came next – my treatment plan (oh how we laugh at the word ‘plan’ – cancer has no regard for this word!) through to my recovery, remission and then just when everything was feeling pretty near perfect, a relapse. The cancer was back in the summer of 2013, silently this time with no warning.
A new chance of life
The spring of 2013 had bought me a new and unexpected gift: my husband. Although, if you had told me back then I would meet a new man, fall in love and relapse with cancer in my liver all within 6 weeks from our first date, I would have said you were mad! And certainly that he was mad to risk getting emotionally involved with me.
Double liver surgery and heartbreak
Being a candidate for liver surgery twice is a real blessing. Whilst I went on to receive liver surgery the second time which was to save my life, my friend Kate who had also coincidently relapsed with cancer in her liver 2 weeks prior to me did not and died heart achingly young leaving behind her adored 2 young children and husband.
Despite her plea, I still struggled enormously with survivor’s guilt and am trying every day to see it positively as ‘survivor’s obligation’ – a chance to repay all the love, support and kindness I was given when I needed it most. If ever you want to see love in action, visit a cancer ward. It’s a humbling sight.
Survival and life afterwards
The strategies that got me through cancer were not the same strategies that I needed to help me live a life of purpose afterwards. All the big questions that I was not able to deal with or process during treatment were now piled up inside my head demanding attention. The beginning of recovery heralds in the beginning of processing and this coincides with the disappearance of all the medical scaffolding.
If I can emphasize one thing, it’s that the end of treatment is not the end of the story. There is no ‘getting back to normal’ because normal not only feels a complete waste of a wakeup call, a second chance at life. But because who knows what normal is anymore in your body when you’ve lost all trust in it? An ache… is this normal or a tumour pressing against a nerve?
But the positive flip side is huge. I have never felt more alive in my life. When you come this close to examining your mortality you HAVE to do something about it and be grateful for every morning you wake up. I know life can change in an instant and whilst pain & suffering is part of the human experience, I also know that love has the power to make even the smallest of moments beautiful beyond words.
I wrote ‘What Doesn’t Kill You’ to help anyone recently diagnosed who may be searching for any shred of hope to hang on to, as I was 8 years ago. The first section of the book is the story of my physical recovery – I call this the first shock, but the second section of the book is all about my response to the aftershocks, the longer, less talked about, but ultimately transformative psychological recovery. I hope it helps anyone navigating life with and after cancer. All my royalties go to Bowel Cancer UK.
