Are Men Still Commitment-Phobes?

It seems like our ideas that men are not willing to commit are outdated. Contrary to popular perception, men are quick to commit to relationships. According to a study of 1293 people in long-term relationships by online matchmaker eHarmony, 39% of men say “I love you” within the first month compared with 23% of women and 33% of men said that they had met the family as a couple within the first month, compared to just 25% of ladies.

The relationship key milestones study found that far from playing the field, when men fall in love, they become “commitmentphiles”, on average saying ‘I Love You’ on the 88th day of the relationship, compared with day 134th for women.

The study also found that on average 58% of men and women were intimate within the first three months of their relationship, however a higher percentage of men (43% and 36% women) admitted to being intimate within the first month.

Contrary to the widely held stereotype that men are bad at remembering milestones, a high percentage of men remembered important relationship events – although they liked to keep private about it. Just 5% of men couldn’t recall the first time they held hands with their partner, whilst 77% of men remembered when they said “I love you” for the first time and 12% of men actually preferred not to divulge the details of their first kiss.

Men are also quick to commit to long term relationships. 33% of men claimed to have moved in with their loved one within the first year and when it came to popping the question, 37% (of those who are married or engaged) went down on one knee within twelve months.

Jenni Trent Hughes, relationship advice expert for eHarmony believes that many of the traditional perceptions of men being afraid of commitment are quite simply outdated. She says “After centuries of women questioning the reluctance of men to commit or be romantic, it seems that we may just have been wrong all along! Boys are softies and can be way mushier than us girls.”

“Realistically, and physiologically speaking, the average man tends to be more focussed and task oriented than the average woman. They establish a goal and set out to accomplish it at all costs, be that running the marathon in less than three hours or wooing the girl of their dreams” she continues.

The study also found that young people (18-24 years old) are more reserved than might be expected. They were the slowest of all age brackets to hold hands, to share that first kiss. They were also the fastest of all ages to consider themselves in an exclusive relationship with 39% claiming to consider themselves exclusive within the first week.