Four Easy Ways To Boost Confidence Long-Term
“I will be confident in myself when I complete my qualifications/move into my own home/achieve something that makes a difference”.
Sound familiar?
A lack of confidence can hold us back from so many things. From going for a promotion to wearing that dress. Why are we so down on ourselves when we should be showing off our strengths, not apologising for (what we think are) our downfalls.
Confidence doesn’t come overnight, but there are some simple tricks that can be learned over time to enable us to walk taller, talk louder, and present the real us.
You’re brilliant – let people know that!
But how?, you may ask. So Belle About Town spoke to Diana Robertson, a member of Toastmasters International, the not-for-profit organisation that gives members a structured educational programme to gain skills and confidence in public and impromptu speaking, chairing meetings and time management.
Diana told us that during her childhood in Russia, she was shy and awkward but had big dreams. She says: “No one expected me to become an entrepreneur and communication skills trainer, yet that’s exactly who I have become.”
Here, Diana shares some lessons she has gained through personal experience – four actions you can take to build up your own confidence.
A confidence audit
The first and most important step towards building confidence is to be aware of what you have already been successfully doing in your life. Spend a little time answering the question: “What am I already good at?”
The answers may be anything from being a talented dancer to being a good friend or parent. Note down any idea that comes to mind because everything you are good at counts.
What this will reveal is that confidence is not absolute, because nobody is fully confident about everything in their lives. All of us feel confident about particular aspects we know we are good at. Equally, each and every one of us struggles with a specific area that needs improvement. And yet, when we face our pain points, instead of offering constructive solutions, our minds may find that there is something wrong with our whole being. This is a trap and a pure lie because each of us is a completely whole being with numerous qualities.
To share an example, I used to be bad at speaking in public. In fact, on giving my first presentation, I totally forgot my script despite having spent three days memorising it. This experience totally shattered my confidence. But after a couple of days, instead of focusing on how bad I was overall, I chose to focus only on how poor my skill of speaking in front of the public was. Separating myself from my skill was crucial because it gave me clarity on what I could do about it. The next thing I did was to join one of Toastmasters’ public speaking clubs where I received the help and support I needed to become a confident presenter.
Once you start working on developing a new skill, your confidence will grow with it. Track what you’re good at and don’t let yourself identify your overall confidence with the areas you feel least certain about. Nobody is good at everything, whereas obtaining new knowledge and developing new skills is entirely under your control.
Change your negative thoughts using positive affirmations
Our thought patterns are no different to the muscles in our bodies. Both can be trained. Creating a new positive approach towards your area of struggle may sound strange but it will be a life-changing act for you.
A great way to start reprogramming your mind is to repeat encouraging affirmations or statements before facing challenging situations. To find what particular affirmation will work best for you, go with the opposite of your negative thought. For example, if you think “I’m terrified of being asked to give a customer presentation”, you can replace it with “I’m so excited to give a presentation to one of our customers.”
Don’t expect yourself to believe in what you are saying immediately. You may have been trained to think negative thoughts for years. Give yourself time to practise your affirmations properly so they sink in.
If a certain affirmation doesn’t work for you, or if you feel extremely uncomfortable with reversing your negative thoughts into extremely positive affirmations, you may prefer using softer opening statements. Instead of “I’m great at selling to customers”, try “I can be very good at building relationships with customers over time”. What’s important is to create and repeat affirmations which make you feel better about yourself. So, have a go and improvise!
Questions to transform your thought patterns
If affirmations don’t appeal, try a more analytical approach. By answering the following questions, you’ll uncover the fears that are hidden behind your lack of confidence and learn how to transform your destructive thought patterns into constructive ones.
Jot down, record, or simply answer:
- How can I describe the exact negative thoughts on this particular subject in only one sentence?
- Is this thought 100% true? Is it a fact or is it my assumption?
- What proves that this negative thought is completely or partially false?
- If the event that what I most fear were to happen, how would it truly affect my life? What would I do (realistically and without exaggeration)?
- If my best friend had this exact thought, what would I tell them?
I’ve found these questions very helpful in difficult times.
Take a long-term view
Sometimes, a difficult project doesn’t go to plan. In such situations, it’s easy to forget that one unsuccessful event means little, and that true success is achieved by taking small but consistent steps towards the goal. The key to becoming better at anything is to shift your focus onto your progress over longer periods rather than holding on to the setbacks along the way.
In other words, celebrate all your achievements, even the small ones. It’s your job is to always interpret your attempts as steps towards your success. Keep on doing the same thing over and over until your brain is convinced that when you perform that stressful activity something good happens. And it surely will!
Now that you’re equipped with four easy-to-implement ways to build amazing confidence, you can start applying them and boosting that confidence of yours in any field you want!
