The Truth About Book Clubs
What do the words book club conjure up to you? Social interaction for geeks? Women sniggering over 50 Shades of Grey? Well, I’ve been on a bit of a journey with them I’ll tell you, I’ve found it to be a process not unlike finding a soul mate or a perfect pair of jeans.
Here’s how it has been for me…
Phase 1: Like a Virgin
So, this is a very distinct memory of mine. I was in my late 20s, had a good job in Marketing and considered myself to be generally socially acceptable. Anyway, in that, “4pm in an office, too soon to pack up, too late to do anything meaningful” zone, myself and a few colleagues were discussing our evenings ahead:
One colleague: “I’m going to my book club.”
Tumbleweed moment.
I’m not going to lie; in my head I’m sniggering. I want to shout “NERD!” and dance around, smug in the knowledge I was doing something cooler. (I wasn’t, I was probably doing nothing).
But in the weeks after, this stuck with me. I began cornering this person, where no one else could see, to find out more.
“So, let me get this straight, you all read the same book at roughly the same time, then get together over wine and nice food and talk about it?”
That got me thinking of all the times I’d finished a book, looked up from the pages with tears in my eyes to seek to share the emotion and found no one. I realized, around that time, I REALLY wanted to be in a book club.
Phase 2: The first time
It was actually many years after that it happened – I was finally invited into a book club. It seems, you see, that on the contrary to the uncool image I first was fostering, book clubs are very cool and exclusive. This is why:
- You need the right number of people – too many voices will prevent satisfying discussion, too few will be unfulfilling.
- You need people, with unified book club objectives – and believe me these are more diverse than you might think. Some people just want an excuse for company and wine on a Tuesday. Some people want to lit-brag (*I made that word up); some want low level therapy and some, like little old me, want that moment, when you finish a book and need to talk about it.
My first book club was a group of people wanting company and wine. Half the group wouldn’t have even looked at the book (too busy), a quarter wouldn’t have finished it (too busy) and then there was me + roughly 1 other who weren’t allowed to spoil it and so couldn’t discuss anyway (sigh). It was great though. I guess, like with a first love, I learned the basic ropes. I just wanted more. (We’ve all been there right?)
Phase 3: Finding *someone* better
Years I spent not being in a book club, then two come along at once. I got recruited, like I imagine Freemasons do, into another one. This time it was much more what I wanted. They were a bunch of book fiends, way cleverer than me, but tolerant. They held their meetings in restaurants (not in homes, YAY, no more canape stress) and they issued questions on the book before the meeting. YES!
But it doesn’t end there. Of course, life throws it at you. I had to move away. And yes, we were all far too sensible to consider a long-term relationship.
Phase 4: The holiday romance (sort of)
I now find myself in a new place. I don’t know anyone, so similar to going to night classes, I found a community book club.
Of course, this was as hard to crack into as any other, but I’m cleverer now. I know the funny handshakes and how to subvert the type of convention that will exclude the wannabes (see phase 1).
This ends up being a pretty joyful experience.
The community book club is perfect. It brings together all different kinds of people; young, old, male, female, serious, funny and all shades of literary. I read about 12 books with these guys, from Swallows and Amazons to Winter in Madrid. There were books l liked, books I didn’t, but there was not one wasted bookish minute. And then I moved again (sob).
Phase 5: It’s not you, it’s me (*it was THEM)
I found my next one easily, but familiarity breeds complacency. Yes, it’s the bad break up, girls. We’ve all had one, right? I regret to report, I was passively aggressively managed out of this one.
“Oh, you look like you’re from California.” Nervous, unsmiling laughter.
*I guess jean shorts at book club was just not appropriate attire for those guys.
I mourned it not.
Phase 6: New beginnings
And so I’m about to start over. A start-up book club has found me. We’ve had our first meeting, and everything looks good. We’re reading Three Women by Lisa Taddeo (of course, I’ve finished already, it’s filthy – the discussion has got to be fun.) My hopes are high.
And so, to anyone who has never been in a book club, but wants to, or to all of you who might just not have found “the one”, it’s out there. Keep your heart and mind open, wear what you like, but please, just always finish the book.
