Raising Kids in a Digital Age

Establishing a parenting technique that works well for you and your family can be one of the biggest hurdles a parent has to face. How much freedom should you give your child? How do you decide on which behaviours to reward and which to discourage? How do you encourage them to speak openly with you, while still respecting your authority as the parent? While there is a wealth of parenting knowledge available, how can you know which advice is best?

Belle teamed up with micro-learning app Blinkist to come up with a guide to help parents avoid the trap of helicopter parenting in this digital age. By analysing the most highlighted passages within its parenting books-in-blinks, Blinkist shared a roundup of the UK’s most popular parenting advice, to help when the going gets tough.

‘If you want your child to grow and learn from their mistakes, offer helpful praise and never use labels’ from How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish

A useful piece of advice, especially if you are not sure how you want to tackle discussing with your child a mistake that they have made. While discipline is individual to each family and parent, praise definitely shouldn’t be. When your child does something right, whether it is following a mistake or not, make sure to praise them and commend them on each part of the task, so that they know you’ve paid attention to them and valued their work. By receiving encouragement, your child will become more independent and sure of their ability, while measured criticism will help them improve over time.

‘Our brains comprise two different hemispheres that need to be balanced’ from The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson

This is fundamental knowledge for any parent who feels that their child’s strengths are entirely different to their own. If you are a doctor and your child wants to be a writer, you need to respect their choice and their right to experiment with their own strengths, as opposed to forcing them into becoming a replica of you. The brain has two hemispheres and their dominance often isn’t genetic. Respect your child, encourage them to pursue their strengths and celebrate their successes with them.

‘Don’t smother your children, but learn how to really say “no”’ from Bringing Up Bébé by Pamela Druckerman

Children should be allowed to explore and make mistakes, as well as learn from them. Outlining boundaries that are able to shift with your child’s age and growing sense of responsibility can help your child feel that they are working towards a particular goal, rather than simply being told ‘no’ without a clear explanation for why.

For example, while today’s children are growing up in a world dominated by social media, you might not yet feel comfortable with your child creating a social media profile. Explain that this is something they can do with supervision and in time. Rather than simply denying your child what they want, explain it’s important they become more responsible, that they understand how to safely use these platforms, and that this is something they can earn with time and trust. This logic can be applied throughout their childhood, and will allow you the right measure of control, without becoming overbearing.

‘Having less stuff will help you be a better parent’ from Minimalist Parenting by Asha Dornfest and Christine Koh

This insight can be taken both literally and metaphorically. For example, don’t overwhelm your child with a multitude of developmental toys and games. Instead, choose a few to focus on during each developmental stage. This way, your child will play with the toys and advance with them, meaning that when they are bored you can move on to the next recommended set, without having endless clutter in the house.

In a similar way, it isn’t a good idea to overwhelm yourself and your child with a variety of parenting techniques, extracurricular activities and studying techniques. Once you know what you and your child like, choose a select few: a manageable amount of extracurricular activities a week, one studying technique that works with the kind of learner they are and one parenting technique for both parents to follow. This will leave both you and your child feeling more relaxed, entertained and never overwhelmed.

‘Authoritative parents are demanding, yet responsive. They set high standards, expectations and limits for their children, and back them up with consequences. At the same time, they’re also emotionally available and responsive to their children’s needs. Moreover, they reason with their kids, give them freedom to explore, and let them fail and ultimately make their own choices’ from How to Raise an Adult by Julie Lythcott-Haims

A fundamental piece of advice to remember whenever you feel yourself straying into the ‘helicopter’ parent territory. Always balance your authority and demands with patience and most of all, the ability to show emotion. In order for your children to learn from you and grow into responsible and well-rounded individuals, they have to possess emotional maturity, which can only be learnt by example, from you. Lastly, remember, no matter how much you try to guide and protect your children, they will ultimately make their own choices, and as a parent, it is your responsibility to guide them, but also support them in their failures and successes alike.