Owning My Own White Fragility

I am a white British female currently living in America. My social media feed is an interesting mix of British and American perspectives.

The most recent outrage that triggered the Black Lives Matter protests were born out of events here in the USA; but had hit the UK with an equal force but with people coming at it from different angles. What struck me though, were some of the responses. So many posts including phrases like “all lives matter,” “I’m not racist, but…” “I’m not racist, I have lots of friends who are…” and “But what about…” used to try and deflect attention to another cause.

It felt easy for me to condemn this kind of response as ignorant. Many people on social media did so. Deep down, I felt I was falling into a position of judgement from my own position of self-perceived faultlessness.

“I’M not racist”

Am I not, though? I had seen the book White Fragility, suggested many times in posts and was keen to read it. So, I did, and it opened my eyes to my own position.

Written by Robin DiAngelo, a sociologist and diversity trainer with a PhD in Multicultural Education, White Fragility makes for pretty hard reading for someone like me who considers themselves not racist and on right side of this whole debate. A key point of the book is that just by being white you enjoy a freedom from your race ever being an issue. You didn’t design or request the situation, but you live with that freedom every day and this drives a perception that you don’t see colour.

DiAngelo goes on to explain how, for most white people, the mere suggestion of being racist creates outrage that exceeds that of racism itself. She describes scenarios from her diversity training, where, when called out on even a minor race issue, white people will get extremely defensive. People would leave her classes, file complaints about her; one person even feigned a heart attack brought on by the stress of such an accusation.

This is something she describes as the good/bad binary. People see the very worst of racism; white supremacists, violence – the nasty side of things and that’s what we see ourselves as being accused of. The truth of it is that systemic racism is societal, historic and something white people, however nice and kind, are inadvertently complicit in if we refuse to acknowledge it. Denying it is, in fact, insulting.

She talks about how we see this from an individual perspective. I could so see myself in this. In our defensive responses to any challenge of racism, we might say, “well, I grew up on a council estate, I wasn’t privileged.” (Done that). “I’m from that country living in this country, I know what it’s like to be an outsider.” (Done that). Reading this book, I cringed at myself for making those comparisons. Being a white outsider really has never actually caused me any problems.

In addition, DiAngelo explains how underprivileged white people are encouraged by society to look at perceived lower demographics to themselves to blame for their own situations, rather than above at the authorities, governments and institutions that create the situations in the first place.

This subject is deep. It goes far into history. This book doesn’t present answers. What it does though is to recommend and suggest that white people listen and stop denying that racism is a thing and to understand what it means to deny it.

With this point in mind, I asked a friend, Nicole three simple questions I don’t think I would have done before reading this book. Here’s what she told me:

1. How might white people cause offence without realising?

This isn’t a question with an easy answer. Often, for me it’s just a look. The look of confusion at me and my white husband and light brown children when we’re out to dinner. Other times it can be the way friends talk about other black people in front of me; their efforts to be politically correct make things more awkward. Jokes about any other race, or statements of judgement are also super offensive. I guess some people think as long as they’re not saying something about your race it’s ok?

2. What difficulties do people of colour face every day that white people wouldn’t necessarily think about

They are constantly judged; it can be just a look or as bold as a statement. They are judged eating at expensive restaurants, shopping at high-end stores, staying at nice hotels, pretty much anything. Judgement also happens if you’re jogging, driving or walking; simple everyday things. They are always considered suspicious – like of course they’re up to no good.

3. What people might do to change things

This is hard too. People need to get educated about real history so they understand what African Americans have been through. They need to learn about oppression and understand the fear of hate based on the colour of one’s skin. They need to step outside of their world and get to know people from all backgrounds.

I’ve spent far too long trying to decide how to conclude this article. So many endings seemed to be a declaration of how suddenly “woke” I am, because I read a book and spoke to a friend. I guess this is me moving up my hierarchy of white fragility. But it’s a start, right?

#blacklivesmatter.