For the Love of Condiments
As I get older, I’m finding myself increasingly passionate about condiments. There, I said it. So, when a study of the world’s most popular food adornments hit the Belle desk, I wanted in. I wanted ideas, inspiration! I wanted validation for my love of things that, often with little calorie burden, can transform our food. It’s like accessorising your little black dress; a capsule wardrobe for your diet. One day you can be slathering your chunky chips in ketchup for seaside nostalgia, the next dipping a French fry in some mayo with your pinky finger extended for continental chic. An old boss once said to me, ‘Jackie, it’s not about the sausage, you need the sizzle’.
Condiments are the culinary sizzle.
Anyway, back to the study. It’s a curious one. It’s based on search data. As a former marketing manager, my interest was piqued. I saw that the UK’s favourite was supposedly, wait for it… tahini? This is when it became evident to me that most popular searches don’t mean the most popular thing! (I’m thinking illness symptoms and homework). It’s always important to check your sauces (winks). It’s a fun study though – and can be read here.
It got me thinking though. I’m a Brit girl who has been living in America for four years and condiments is an area where things are more different than you might realise. Here are some findings from my own little transatlantic study:
- Americans do not seem to put vinegar on chips (which are fries to them, and chips are crisps, so can we even trust them).
- There is no salad cream. That occasion appears to be occupied by Ranch. *Bonus point of note: A Brit cannot ask for this without sounding like landed gentry from Jane Austen times – try it. To address this, you must try and say it in an American way and that will make you sound like you are over acting in a particularly flamboyant stage musical. I have found this problematic and mostly go for honey mustard.
- There is no mint sauce. Come to think of it, I don’t think they eat lamb much either. This isn’t necessarily a fact.
- Marmite is an incredibly fun thing to give an American. If facial expressions I have witnessed are anything to go by, it’s a most unexpected experience that they likely won’t revisit.
- Gravy is not the same as ours. If I’m honest, I still don’t think I fully understand what American gravy is. I don’t think it is a consistent thing. Once I saw something white and gloopy with bits of sausage in it calling itself gravy. This is all somewhat vexing.
- American mustard, of the kind applied to hot dogs, is not like British mustard in heat terms. Hot dog style application of a bit of Coleman’s might yield interesting results (see Marmite, above).
- Jam exists here, but mostly it seems to be called jelly, and jelly as we know it is solely a brand called Jell-O, and they put the jelly/jam in a sandwich with peanut butter and seem to completely love this as a nation… which is weird.
- There is no brown sauce, but there is one that is sort of deep burgundy that you probably wouldn’t put on a fry up – and certainly not in America, because they don’t really do fry ups – not in the typical sense anyway.
- There is no Branston Pickle, (but then also not much nice cheese either, so no cheese and pickle sangers anyway). There are, however, lots of pickles, but they are gherkins.
- Apple sauce is like a dessert for kids not an embellishment for pork chops (if you like that sort of thing).
So, there you go. It’s possibly useless information, but it’s yours, with my condiments. *Yes. I went there with the compliments pun, it felt like a must(ard). Don’t give me a dressing down… * fades into the background.
