Baby, Would I Lie To You?
Lying. Is it always so bad? What about if you are a parent wanting to help your kid make better choices – or avoid bad ones? A recent nationwide study by kid’s snacking brand Kiddylicious has yielded a summary of our top parental fibs. An impressive 94% of the 1,500 parents polled said they had told white lies to their kids which their little ones believed to be true, with the average mum and dad telling five little lies a week.
The main reason for doing so, according to the data, was to encourage children to do something that was good for them (66%), while 41% said it was to encourage good behaviour. Four in 10 of parents said they tell fibs just for the fun of it.
Here are ten of the popular ones that I particularly like, either in terms of using such lies myself or considering myself at least unharmed for believing them once myself:
1. Eating carrots will help you see in the dark (39% of respondents).
I’m not convinced this is even a lie. Carrots contain Beta Carotene which is vitamin A. They seem to be loosely named after this useful vitamin. My gran used to say this to me as a kid which lead to their consumption, and my night vision is indeed very good. Back then I was able to spot a spider on the ceiling of my bedroom on the darkest night and scream about it. Carrots are a nice vegetable anyway, if this lie is wrong, who needs to be right?
2. If you are pulling a face and the wind changes it will stay like it (21%)
A lie so pointless does it even matter? Does the wind even change so abruptly? And how would do you measure that? I think this is something I’ve only ever used because of some weird sense of tradition. It’s a thing parents do, like thinking music was better 20 years ago from whatever year you turn forty.
3. I can’t find my phone (21%).
I can never use this lie in this way because it is blatantly always in my hand, but I have pulled the ‘it’s about to run out of charge’ line a lot. As my kids have semi obsolete, hand-me down Apple gadgetry, they have no reason to see this as anything but truth.
4. If you don’t clean behind your ears, potatoes will grow there (13%)
Again, whilst a potato crop may be a stretch, the probability of some kind of yield from a dirty human crevice is not zero, right? I’m down with motivation to wash, from wherever it may come.
5. If you eat chocolate before bed, you will have nightmares (11%).
If kids eat sugar for bed it is always a nightmare. OK, it’s a twist on the meaning of the sentence, but there is a high number of the same words in the sentence.
6. Eating crusts will make your hair go curly (18%)
A weird lie, because who knows if the kid sees curls as positive or negative and do crusts even have a nutritional benefit? Eating crusts certainly means you can bypass scraping the plate before putting it in the dishwasher, thus away a boring task. Curls don’t really come into it, but hey.
7. If you swallow an apple pip, a tree will grow in your stomach. (11%).
Whilst this lie was definitely used on me when I was a kid, I would never use it on mine. They would believe it and be forever traumatised. To be fair, is it something you even need to deter?
8. Eating spinach will turn you into a superhero (14%).
Another one that I suspect could even be true. Back in my day, Popeye’s biceps were enough to make me open to the concept even though in the early 70s, canned carrots, marrowfat peas and runner beans seemed to be the only vegetables. For my kids I don’t think there is a thing on earth I could attribute to spinach consumption that would result in it being eaten.
9. If you do a wee in a swimming pool, the water will turn bright green (17%)
This has to be worth a go though, right? There’s a certain kid’s facial expression I have seen in pools many times that would indicate the moment they are both real time testing this and discovering the fallacy.
10. If you are naughty, Father Christmas will bring you coal (31%)
It’s fair. It’s allegorical. In life you get out what you put in. Much worse was my parents telling me they got satsumas and coal when they were kids. As if it was that hard back then when the music was so good and everyone played real instruments, etc.
I’m down with these fibs, though. I hope my kids will go on to pass them down to future generations along with my gran’s charm bracelet and my Chanel 2.55. And after all, if we don’t, who says a fairy might not die? Hmm?
THE TOP 40 LIES UK PARENTS TELL THEIR KIDS
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1. Eating carrots help you see in the dark (39%) 2. We’re almost there (when asked ‘are we nearly there yet’ on a road trip) (36%) 3. If you watch TV for too long, your eyes will go square (31%) 4. If you’ve been naughty, Father Christmas will fill your stocking with coal (31%) 5. If you tell a lie, your nose will grow longer – 29% 6. I go to bed straight after you do – 29% 7. Oh no, we’ve run out of biscuits/ crisps/ sweets – 28% 8. I can’t find my mobile phone! (when they want to play on it) – 23% 9. Broccoli are baby trees – 23% 10.If the wind changes while you are pulling a funny face, it’ll stay that way – 21% 11.The ice cream van plays music when it runs out of ice cream – 18% 12.If you eat the crusts of your toast, your hair will grow curly – 18% 13.If you do a wee in a swimming pool, the water will turn bright green – 17% 14.If you cross your eyes they’ll stay that way – 16% 15.Eating spinach will turn you into a superhero – 15% 16.The car won’t drive if all the seatbelts aren’t buckled up – 15% 17.A swallowed apple pip will mean an apple tree grows in your stomach – 14% 18.Smoke alarms are Father Christmas’s spy cameras – 14% 19.The tooth fairy is only strong enough to carry 50p to put under your pillow – 14% 20.If you don’t clean behind your ears, potatoes will grow there – 13% |
21. Swearing is illegal – 13% 22. They don’t sell replacement batteries for that (noisy) toy – 12% 23. The police can see everything you search on Google – 12% 24. If you eat chocolates from your advent calendar before the right day, Christmas will be cancelled – 11% 25. If you eat chocolate before bed, you’ll get nightmares – 11% 26. I’m eating salad (when you’re actually chewing chocolate) -11% 27. Strawberries and raspberries are nature’s sweets – 11% 28. The television stops working after 7pm – 10% 29. If you say ‘I don’t believe in fairies’, a fairy will die – 10% 30. The fish is sleeping (when the fish has died) – 10% 31. The internet gets turned off at 7pm every night – 10% 32. If you pick your nose, your eyes will fall out – 9% 33. If you keep your eyes open when you sneeze, your eyeballs will fall out – 8% 34. The cat went to live on a farm with other cats (when the cat has died) – 8% 35. If you stick your tongue out, it will fall off – 8% 36. If you tell a lie, a red spot will appear on your forehead – 8% 37. You have to whisper in a library so you don’t wake the books up – 8% 38. If you play too many computer games, the characters will get tired – 8% 39. Chocolate milk comes from brown cows – 6% 40. Hummus is unicorn food – 4% |
