Showbiz Roundup: Shhh, did you hear?

A Right Royal Romance
Well you’d have to be an indoor plant to not know there’s a Royal Wedding on this Friday – so what’s my fave fab snippet of goss about the glowing couple? Amid all the hype, dazzle and ra-ra, with controversial guests (definitely want to see Posh seated next to black sheep of Kate’s family – Uncle Gary from Ibiza) and all the pomp and ceremony, I found myself suddenly flushed with the recognition that this is quite possibly a good old-fashioned nation-renewing love story! For it comes to my attention that Wills and Kate have penned each other love letters to be opened on the morning of their big day. Awww bless. The not-so-young newlyweds (well at 29 she is the oldest Royal bride in history) are determined to NOT forget that this is THEIR wedding day, as much as the rest of the world want to covet it as theirs. No doubt, Queen-to-be Kate will be donning one of her three bridesgowns (all of which have had to be taken in to accommodate her diminishing frame – a 25-inch waist, I’ve been reliable informed) to the compilation music tapes Wills made up for her, featuring her Snow Patrol among others. And although 90% of the British female population wouldn’t swap places with her, as far as I’m concerned marrying a bloke who provides you with music and love letters is worth all the paps, publicity, Royal duties and sell-out mates in the world!

Is Becks The Perfect Hubby?
And while we’re on the subject of posh people with devoted fellas, Victoria Beckham could do a lot worse than her six-packed hubby Becks. The fashionista, who celebrated her 37th birthday last week, was treated to a shed-load of goodies on her special day. The seven-months-pregnant ex-Spice Girl woke up to a roomful of British chocolate goodies (including a Flake on her pillow) and an English rose-filled house in LA. After breakfast in bed, David presented her with a personally engraved bracelet and a sketch of his proposed new tattoo in honour of their forthcoming baby girl. The whole family then joined her folks for a slap-up meal out at one of LA’s finest restaurants. Our Posh source tells us David’s going out of his way to make her as comfortable as possible in the lead-up to the birth of their fourth child. ‘He’s tickled, quite literally, pink,’ grins the pal. ‘He’s making sure he’s giving her plenty of rest and space by taking the boys out and playing perfect dad. Last week he took them to the beach and was spotted burying Cruz up to his neck in the sand! The only thing worrying everyone is how she’ll cope with all the standing and waiting around that’s part of a Royal Wedding.’ We still can’t wait to see what you wear, dear Posh.

Darling the FedEx boy’s here with the breast milk!
Not a week goes by in which we marvel at the latest escapades of Tinseltown’s most salubrious spoilt brats. From Suri Cruise’s credit cards to the J.Lo twins’ his ‘n’ hers ponies, it’s easy to forget about the practicalities of rearing a young one. Not so Sir Elton John and David Furnish, who, as non-lactating papas, require the ‘express’ delivery of mother’s milk to feed their four-month-old petulant-child-to-be. In a recent interview, Elton, 64, revealed baby Zachary is continued to be fed by his biological mother, who acted as a surrogate for the couple. ‘She’s been providing him with breast milk,’ Elton told Barbara Walters on her talk show. ‘We have the breast milk FedExed from where she is.’ That’s a new one for us, too. Elton went on to reveal why he and his partner of 17 years David chose the name Zachary Jackson Levon. ‘Zachary is one of my favourite names, and David’s,’ he said. ‘And one of our favourite churches in Venice, where we have a home, is called San Zaccaria. It as John the Baptist’s father’s name. Jackson is a name I’ve always liked and David’s dad is called Jack and it’s an old English name that means son of Jack. And it was just going to be Zachary Jackson and then as he was born on Christmas Day, and my song Levon says “he was born a pauper to a pawn on a Christmas Day”, I chucked that in for a bit of rock star influence.’ Yeah, but he sure as hell wasn’t born a pauper, Elt.

Feeling Cheated Over X Factor
I’m not very happy at all today, I’m afraid. The whirlwind of stories confirming Cheryl Cole as a judge on US X Factor has turned into a near-tornado of ‘she’s a shoo-in’ confirmations, which means I’ve lost a bottle of wine bet with one of my showbiz colleagues. It’s not the wine, nor the miraculous fact it looks like she’s got it, but it’s more the principle of winning what I thought was a ‘shoo-in’ bet. And the word ‘miraculous’. But it seems Ms Cole should hold off the bubbly as she’s got one helluva mountain to climb. I hear she’s only on trial after being the fourth or fifth choice on Fox and Simon’s list of wannabe judges (Mariah turned down the hot seat and settled for guest mentoring, Rihanna and Katy Perry are touring and Nicki Minaj is too focused on her suddenly ‘too hot to handle’ success and they all turned it down. Step forth Cheryl). But the juiciest bit of gossip is that joining Simon, LA Reid and Cheryl on the panel is none-other-than queen crazy Paula Abdul, who I hear won’t take too kindly to not being Simon’s female ingénue. Will Chezza win over the prickly 80s chart-topping supremo or will it be handbags at dawn that will make Sharon and Dannii’s feud look like an episode of Blind Date? Well the lines have been drawn, time to decide – Team Cole or Team Abdul. Resistance is futile.

The Game Is Up, R-Patz!
Spare a thought for all those idiots who for years regaled us with ‘I’m so insecure I have no choice’ stories of knowing, meeting or being ‘in’ with the Royals. With the full guestlist announced, no doubt there will be a few red faces in your extended circle of friends of braggarts who have failed to an invite to the wedding. And while I would never claim to include Rob Pattinson in my personal circle of mates, it appears he’s the perfect example of one such braggart who’s had to come clean on their ‘friendship’ with the Royal Family. The 24-year-old Twlight hunk, who’s currently on the big screen with Reese Witherspoon in Water For Elephants, has admitted he lied about his connections when he first went to LA, telling unsuspecting and notoriously gullible Americans that he knew the British Royal Family. Speaking on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Rob said: ‘I don’t think I’ve ever met them. I used to tell people when I came to the States that I did. They believed me! Five or six years ago when I first used to come to Los Angeles there weren’t many English people, now there are like a million and people still believe me.’ Not any more. Rob is NOT on the guestlist this Friday. So for any Americans reading this, he doesn’t know the Royals, you got that, right? And also, that you can’t get to Australia by train, okay?

By Justine Harkness
[picture credits: mysunshine; WENN; Downing Street]
Justine Harkness

Justine Harkness

Now based in Los Angeles, Justine had worked for publications from Now to Look, OK! to Loaded, in the UK as well as for weekly magazines in Australia. She has written everything from in-depth celebrity interviews to covering every showbiz party, hotspot, the three ‘Fs’ (fads, fashion, fitness), awards ceremonies, travel (to Mustique, no less), you name it, for all the big magazines. A regular showbiz and lifestyle expert commentator for radio and TV, including BBC, Sky and all the terrestrial channels. There’s more, but there always is. She lives in Santa Monica with her ridiculously fluffy kitten Cookie (‘We should have called her Queen Latifah,’ she shrugs), chasing the latest celebrity stories. Justine’s mantra in life is: ‘In vodka we trust.’ She successfully out drinks many, yet is a bit of a hippy at heart. Just don’t ask her about grammar.

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