When it comes to implementing a change, any change, in your life, we quite rightly look around for support. We are all team players and we like good company, whether we are about to face a challenge or to attend a party. But is it always beneficial to look for your friend’s support when it comes to changes? Apparently this is not the case.
Olga Levancuka, the author of ‘How to Be Selfish’ says that being selfish is a key to staying true to your goals and achieving your desires.
“We are programmed to compare. And no matter how much we love our best friends, we will always compare. They are the closest to us and it’s the easiest option. We do everything with the least energy required (that’s just physics).”
Why to be Selfish?
“Because our friends compare themselves to us well. And when they compare, they’ll sabotage the friendship in order to stand out, even if on a subconscious level. There is an old adage of a bucket full of crabs, they never escape, as soon as one reaches the top of the bucket the rest pull it down, no-one likes anyone to outshine themselves.
“Just a recent example for one of my clients, for this exercise let’s call her Elizabeth. Elizabeth came to me to learn how to be Selfish. Elizabeth and her three best girlfriends were about to have fun in town. Each girl was young, successful and full of energy, and with a required degree of hotness. The girls met-up at Elizabeth’s apartment all dressed in black mini dresses and high heels. They were shocked to discover that Elizabeth wore stripy leggings and a rather loudly coloured t-shirt. She stood out from the crowd; the verdict?
“The girls begged her to change her quirky outfit for … you guessed correctly: a black mini dress. While the three girls were blondes, my client happened to be a brunette. At the party, everyone got the attention but her. Her personality was hidden behind the group’s pressure and she blended with the darkness of the walls.
“Here is another example from another client, let’s call her Ann. Ann is a very attractive successful woman who, like the majority of us has a best friend. Her best friend is genuinely interested in what’s best for Ann. I’ve met her and I am convinced it is so. Ann was going through a difficult training routine in order to improve her climbing. We all noticed she had lost some weight although she certainly didn’t need to. However we saw she enjoyed catching every glimpse of her-slimmer-self in the mirrors. Her best friend noticed that and start behaving abusively towards her and calling her anorexic and that she shouldn’t lose any more weight under any circumstances. She started bringing her cakes and other sweet delights. Ann used to be size 12 and became 10. While for a second Ann thought it was a bit strange, she did discard her doubts at once, after all it’s her best friend we are talking about. A month later, her friend has announced that she finally lost enough weight to purchase herself …a size 10!!!!
“These are just two small examples from the sea of challenges non-selfish people are facing, especially when it comes to women. We want to be nice and we want to be attractive, we are so easily manipulated into doing something, because we are PLEASERS. We want to show our caring side, we want to give.
“Sadly, the days of ‘caring side’ are over. Save your ‘caring’ side for those special moments. For as long as you have your goals to achieve: Selfish is the key.”
For more information on how and why to stay Selfish when improving your life, finding your new friends and finding the one: How to be Selfish by Olga Levancuka is your ultimate answer.