Stop Holding Yourself Back!

Seven Ways To achieve The Life You Always Wanted...

Life changesDespite women now making up almost half of the UK workforce, a worrying 72% claim to have been the subject of sexist bullying, while 85% still believe there is a bias towards their male counterparts. So it’s no surprise that when it comes to asking for that payrise, negotiating that promotion, or merely asserting your right to be served just as quickly as the man standing next to you in the lunch queue, it can be a hard task to muster the courage to get was is rightly yours. And while we’re not stuck in the 50s, a quick straw poll of most groups of female friends will reveal a pool of pondering uncertainty in the strength of their abilities at home as well as the workplace. But what can be done?

Thinking yourself more confident is easier said than done, so we asked Life Coach Ryan James Lock for his top tips on overcoming obstacles both in the workplace and at home.

Ryan says: “Think about an area in your life where you feel stuck, it might be applying for that promotion at work, easing over frustrations with a flat mate or partner or even making a big lifestyle change. No matter what the situation, it can always change. The truth is, the way you think about yourself affects everything that you do, especially when it comes to getting what you want.

“One of the first things I do with new clients is get them crystal clear on the things that are holding them back, before we even get to strategies for achieving their goals. You can read all the books in the world but the bottom line is, you will only ever go as far as you let yourself, I say this so often because it’s so true.

“If you think that it’s hard to make good money, that people won’t pay you what you are worth, or that it takes years of dating frogs to finally meet Prince Charming then that is exactly what will become true for you.”

Ryan James LockHere are Ryan’s 7 ways to stop holding yourself back and start getting the life you want!

1. Be honest about what’s not working for you

Get real with yourself and look at where and how you have been holding yourself back.

Do you say you’ll do things and then never get around to them? Are you easily distracted and lose focus? Or are you lacking self-confidence to take the first step?

Without judging yourself, just be really clear on where you are at right now, in terms of both the good and the so-called bad. Once you are honest with yourself about where you are, you can begin to move forward. Give yourself permission to let go of the things that aren’t working in your life and business so that you can make room for the things that you do want.

Action: Where are you holding yourself back?

2. Choose your influences

Take a look at the people with whom you spend the most time because they have an immense effect on your earnings.

Seek out happy, motivated people who are also working on goals and ambitions, and make it a point to spend time with people who know more than you do, embody what you want, and push you to be better. If you spend time with people who complain about not having enough and how tough it is out there then it is going to be hard for you to really create lasting change. Instead, look at spending more time with supportive, ambitious people who believe in abundance and growth.

Action: Choose 3 people in your life to spend more time with!

3. Immerse yourself in what you want

Spend time reading uplifting books, listen to educational audiobooks and invest in joining a coaching program to really help you see yourself and your work in a new way.

We attract what we are not just what we want, the more abundant you can feel, the quicker things will change for you. I completely changed my business and income over the last year by choosing to only spend time and energy with people and things that support me and my goals. You could listen to audio programs on the train or take a meditation break. Whatever works for you, do it.

Refuse to look at, read or discuss anything that re enforces belief in lack or scarcity.

Action: How can you fill your day with more of what you love?

4. Ask for what you want, even if you don’t feel ready.

Our subconscious mind is like a GPS system, you have to let it know where you want to be so it can start taking you there. How much money do you want to be earning? What would be a life changing amount? Getting clear on a goal is the first step in achieving it.

There is nothing wrong with wanting more money or desiring a larger income, we need to let go of the idea that wanting money is bad. The truth is, we get what we have the self esteem to ask for.

A lot of people come to me frustrated about something and it’s amazing how quickly things change when you give yourself permission to ask for what you want!

Action: Choose 1 thing that you haven’t been asking for and take action now.

5. Make a list of all the things you have been putting off doing to get what you want.

Your subconscious mind is a powerhouse of information and ideas.

6. Stop talking about it and take massive action

Carl Jung said “We are what we do, not what we say we will do” and I think this is true of the state of our lives as well. Want to manifest something? Taking action towards it literally pulls in things you didn’t even know where there. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that thoughts get it done.

By all means meditate and visualize what you desire but use that to fuel your action not replace it.

Action: What can you do today to move close to what you want?

7. Invest in expert help

There’s a saying in the coaching world that I absolutely love. “You don’t know, what you don’t know” and it’s so true.

Working with a consultant, mentor or coach is an amazing investment in yourself because (if you choose a good one) you are learning from someone who has what you want and is there to support you in moving forward and making a big change.

Action: Choose an area of your life that you want to make a change in and seek out someone to help you achieve that.

Ryan James Lock is an international coach, writer and entrepreneur based between London, Canada and Ibiza. As well as working with private clients and brands, Ryan also teaches group programs to help people achieve their goals and build successful businesses that they love.

To find out more about working with Ryan go to or email

Emily Cleary

Emily Cleary

After almost a decade chasing ambulances, and celebrities, for Fleet Street’s finest, Emily has taken it down a gear and settled for a (slightly!) slower pace of life in the suburbs. With a love of cheese and fine wine, Emily is more likely to be found chasing her toddlers round Kew Gardens than sipping champagne at a showbiz launch nowadays, or grabbing an hour out of her hectic freelancer’s life to chill out in a spa while hubby holds the babies. If only!


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3 Comments on Stop Holding Yourself Back!

  1. Ryan, love love love love LOVE this! You nailed it.

  2. Robyn Sinclair // July 24, 2014 at 5:08 pm //

    Great article Ryan and Emily. Clearly lays out what we need to work on for ourselves. Love the action step challenge too. Thanks!

  3. Thank you 🙂

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